Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) doesn’t just affect a person’s thoughts. It can ripple through relationships. From romantic partnerships to friendships and family ties, OCD can create unique challenges.
Let’s explore the common causes of tension, caused by OCD, that slowly tug at the ties that bind us—as well as expert advice to help strengthen these connections.
1. You Can’t Stop Questioning Their Feelings About You
The Challenge: Uncertainty feeds OCD. Whether it’s with a friend, coworker, or family member, you may obsess over “what if” questions like these: Did I say the wrong thing? What if I offended them? Do they secretly find me annoying?
Expert Insight: “Rather than fighting or solving the thought, acknowledge the uncertainty,” suggests Elizabeth McIngvale, Ph.D., director of the McLean OCD Institute in Houston. For example, “Maybe I said the wrong thing, and maybe not.”
What to Try: Practice accepting uncertainty while focusing on the present moment. This approach, supported by research, saps the power from intrusive thoughts and makes uncertainty easier to live with.
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2. You Can’t Stop Questioning Your Feelings About Them
The Challenge: OCD can make you second-guess even strong relationships, leading to questions like, Do I actually love this person?
Expert Insight: “When you involve your partner in trying to resolve these uncertainties, it’s destabilizing for the relationship,” says Lauren Rosen, LMFT, director of The Center for the Obsessive Mind.
What to Try: Resist the urge to overanalyze or seek reassurance. Focus on your lived experience of the relationship, not on the doubts that OCD inevitably introduces.
3. You Worry About Contamination
The Challenge: For some, physical contact feels risky or dirty, making even simple gestures like holding hands or hugging feel overwhelming.
Expert Insight: “Physical intimacy can feel less pleasurable when someone with OCD feels compelled to follow rigid rules, like washing sheets before and after or insisting both parties shower,” says Dr. McIngvale.
What to Try: Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy is key. Start small, like reducing how often you sanitize after touch, and gradually work toward tolerating physical contact without rituals.
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4. You Can’t Shake Bad Thoughts
The Challenge: Intrusive thoughts—like imagining harm coming to a loved one—can feel distressing and isolating.
Expert Insight: “Everyone has weird thoughts sometimes, even about hurting loved ones,” says Dr. McIngvale. “But trying to magic-wand-them-away only encourages them to persist.”
What to Try: Allow the thoughts to be present without judgment. “Focus on your senses—the way your partner looks, sounds, smells, feels—to ground yourself in the moment,” suggests Kimberley Quinlan, LMFT, a cognitive behavioral therapist specializing in OCD.
5. You Feel Guilty
The Challenge: Excessive guilt or fear about breaking moral or religious rules can create tension in relationships.
Expert Insight: “People with moral scrupulosity often have two minds—one that worries intimacy is wrong and one that sees it as part of a healthy life,” says Rosen.
What to Try: Instead of debating these feelings, practice tolerating the discomfort. ERP therapy can help you navigate these fears while staying true to your values.
6. You’re Embarrassed
The Challenge: Sharing your struggles with OCD can feel intimidating or embarrassing, especially if you’re worried about judgment.
Expert Insight: “Pick a moment when you’re comfortable to explain OCD and how it affects you,” advises Dr. McIngvale. “It should feel like an educational conversation, not a disclosure.”
What to Try: Share a little at a time, building up to more personal details. A partner’s understanding and support can be crucial in managing OCD’s impact.
7. You Blame Yourself
The Challenge: Living with OCD can be exhausting, and self-criticism only adds to the burden.
Expert Insight: “Self-compassion helps you resist compulsions,” says Rosen.
What to Try: Rosen highlights three components of self-compassion, as defined by self-compassion pioneer Kristen Neff, Ph.D.:
- Mindfulness: Acknowledge your emotions without judgment.
- Common Humanity: Remember you’re not alone.
- Self-Kindness: Treat yourself as you would a close friend.
How to Find Help for OCD-Related Relationship Problems
OCD doesn’t define you—or your relationships. “ERP therapy is the gold standard for treating OCD,” says Dr. McIngvale. Research shows it helps about 7 out of 10 people. Find a therapist trained in ERP through the International OCD Foundation’s directory.
“Behavioral change ultimately shifts your relationship to thoughts and feelings,” adds Rosen. With the right tools and support, you can build meaningful connections and navigate challenges with confidence.
