Letting go: They’re only two words, but they should come with a how-to manual.
Letting go requires patience, reflection, and discipline—and often, expert guidance. It’s more of a marathon than a sprint. There will be obstacles. There will be setbacks. But good news: Letting go—and moving on with your life—is absolutely possible, and we’re about to show you how.
Whether you’re trying to get past something as simple as an embarrassing conversation—or something as life-altering as the loss of a loved one—here is your 9-step plan for finally moving on.
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Step #1: Allow Yourself to Grieve
Letting go isn’t like flipping a switch. Before you can release something, whether it’s a relationship or an unfulfilled dream, you need to grieve. “We need to allow ourselves time and space to feel sad about what we lost,” says Sharon Martin, LCSW. Grieving opens the door to acceptance.
Step #2: Avoid Letting Go Too Quickly
Letting go too fast can be just as harmful as holding on too long. If you’re ignoring or burying your feelings, they will resurface later. “It’s important to process big events,” says psychologist Alexandra Jacowitz, Psy.D. Be patient with your emotions and allow yourself to work through them.
Step #3: Embrace the Struggle
Struggling with difficult emotions can lead to growth. “When there are deep feelings associated with our thoughts, it’s important to pay attention to them,” says Dr. Jacowitz. Instead of avoiding your feelings, sit with them and see what they’re trying to tell you. They might guide you toward a new understanding or path.
Step #4: Know the Difference Between Analyzing and Dwelling
Are you learning from your emotions or just dwelling on them? “If you’re ruminating without gaining insight, it’s time to recognize that,” says Dr. Jacowitz. Analyzing your feelings leads to growth, while dwelling keeps you stuck in the past. Shift your focus from regret to learning.
Step #5: Accept That Some Things Will Stay With You
You won’t fully let go of everything, and that’s okay. “Grief may change over time, but it can be with you a lifetime,” says Dr. Jacowitz. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to live with the pain and still move forward.
Step #6: Be Gentle with Regrets
Even if you’re the one who chose to end a relationship, it’s normal to feel regret. “It’s a natural reaction to entering an unknown chapter,” says Martin. Regret is not a sign you made the wrong decision, but part of the healing process. Be kind to yourself as you navigate these feelings.
Step #7: Examine Your Fears
What are you really afraid of? “What do you think will happen if you don’t try to control things?” asks Martin. Identifying your fears can help loosen your grip on situations or people. Mindfulness practices like journaling and meditation can bring clarity and calm as you work through those fears.
Step #8: Don’t Expect Perfection
Many of us hold on because we have a specific vision of how things should be. “If you had a very specific plan for how you wanted your life to go, you may need to let go of the particulars,” says Martin. Letting go of perfection and embracing flexibility opens new possibilities and paths to happiness.
Step #9: Seek Support When You Need It
Letting go is a journey that can be challenging to navigate alone. “Letting go isn’t easy or straightforward,” says Dr. Jacowitz. If you find yourself stuck, reaching out to a therapist or a trusted friend can provide the support and guidance you need to move forward.
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