Tracking your blood pressure. Saving for retirement. Setting boundaries. The last may not seem as important as the first two, but the truth is, enforcing boundaries in all aspects of life is key to your mental health.
Without boundaries, your physical and emotional needs often go unmet, leaving you drained and overwhelmed. Boundaries protect your time, energy, and well-being. Yet, most of us aren’t taught how to do it.
Keep reading to discover the five crucial boundaries that you must enforce for good mental health. Then, learn how to do just that.
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Boundary #1: Your Personal Time
Your time is finite. It’s essential to limit when and how people can access you. It’s easy to think: It’s late, but my friend needs me. Or my boss calls me at all hours, but it’s because he values me. Both may be true, but walling off time for yourself ensures you get the rest and space you need to be a better friend and employee the next day and beyond.
In other words, boundaries are about your self-worth, says psychotherapist Sharon Martin, LCSW.
How to set this boundary? A couple of options. You could not respond—they’ll get the hint. Or simply say you need to focus on yourself after 8 pm to protect your personal time and allow for proper rest, says Martin. Also, if you snooze your notifications, the person texting will see that you’re offline and not expect a response.
Boundary #2: Alone Time in Romantic Relationships
In love, it’s easy to lose sight of your individual needs. However, setting boundaries in a romantic relationship is crucial to preserving your independence.
Think of it this way: A relationship brings together two colorful magic markers. Together, they paint a beautiful picture and create a vibrant life. But if the markers color overtop of each other too much, they begin to blend together. They lose their vibrancy. Everything starts looking brown.
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Having boundaries helps each partner remain an autonomous individual with his or her own preferences, goals, and values, says Martin.
Whether it’s scheduling time for yourself or simply protecting your personal goals, adds Martin, healthy boundaries allow both partners to grow individually and together.
Boundary #3: Emotional Space with Friends
Not all friendships need the same level of emotional investment. Some friends may be your confidants, while others are more casual. It’s okay to have different boundaries for different friendships, says Alexandra Jacowitz, Psy.D., co-founder of P.S. Therapy in Brooklyn.
For example, maybe you don’t want to tell your acquaintances about a family drama, but you’re okay talking it through with a friend from high school. That’s okay, says Dr. Jacowitz.
Likewise, if a friend is particularly vulnerable with you, don’t feel obligated to do the same with her. Protect your emotional well-being by only sharing what you feel comfortable with.
Boundary #4: Work-Life Balance
Work boundaries are essential to prevent burnout. Just because you’ve always answered emails after hours doesn’t mean you have to continue.
“It’s never too late to set work boundaries,” says Martin. Communicate clearly with your boss and coworkers about when you’re available and when you’re off the clock.
There will be exceptions, of course. But it’s important that you give yourself permission to sign off—and not feel guilty about it.
Boundary #5: Family Meddling
Family dynamics can be challenging. Setting boundaries with loved ones is essential for maintaining emotional health. You absolutely must draw a line to stop insulting comments, prevent unwanted advice, and protect your self-esteem.
Be clear about what behaviors you won’t tolerate to maintain healthy family relationships.
How to Set Boundaries You Can Enforce
Setting a boundary can feel intimidating, but it’s necessary. Start by clearly stating your need and why. Explain how you’re feeling now, and how you expect the boundary to help. Be firm, direct, but respectful.
It’s never wrong to set limits, ask for what you need, and take care of yourself, says Martin, even if others think you’re being selfish, mean, or difficult. Boundaries are about protecting your well-being, not punishing others.
A good rule of thumb: If you feel something, say something. Your mental health depends on it.
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