Video Transcript
You want to know if he’s a narcissist or not? I’m going to share a quick way you can tell that you’ve probably never heard of before.
When you bring up his narcissistic behavior, does he gaslight you, put the onus back on you, or is he genuinely surprised? This can be the difference.
Some people can seem like they’re narcissists, but really they have what psychologists call maladaptive behavior patterns. They may actually be modeling behaviors they saw growing up in a household with a narcissistic parent.
This is a bit of a mind blow, right? They could just be mimicking that narcissistic parent. Okay, let’s give an example. Say he’s always doing things in his own self-interest. He’s never returning favor. He’s consistently putting his own needs first. This could be behavior he saw his narcissistic parent regularly doing and he’s just modeling it.
One psychologist we spoke with said she had a client after growing up with a narcissistic mother. But when it was revealed to him that he was acting like her, he actually wanted to get help. He wanted to change.
With this kind of person, when you point out these bad behaviors, they usually do want to change because they’re not actually a narcissist. Now, if the person is a narcissist, okay, chances are they’re going to gaslight you. They may pretend to change for a hot second, and then they go back to their old ways.
Underneath it all, a narcissist lacks empathy and they want to manipulate and control you. Someone who is just modeling maladaptive behaviors may not even realize what they’re doing. Once the problem is pointed out, they should be willing to change.
Did this answer your question? Can you tell if he’s a narcissist or not? Let me know. Drop me a line.
