Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) doesn’t just affect focus and productivity. It can have a profound impact on relationships. From forgetting birthdays to struggling with emotional regulation, these challenges can lead to misunderstandings and frustrations with partners, friends, and family.
However, understanding these patterns is the first step to improving relationships. Here are 11 surprising ways ADHD may be messing with your personal connections.
1. Forgetfulness Can Feel Like Neglect
People with ADHD often struggle with working memory and executive function, leading to forgotten birthdays, anniversaries, or important conversations. While it’s not intentional, loved ones may interpret this as a lack of care.
“Sometimes, it really just is about brain-based differences in executive functioning that come down to things like remembering to text back or call on a friend’s birthday or follow through on that thing you promised your partner you’d do,” says Michelle Frank, Psy.D., clinical psychologist and author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD.
Using tools like reminder apps and shared calendars can help bridge this gap.
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2. Emotional Regulation Struggles Can Lead to Overreactions
ADHD can make it difficult to control emotional responses, leading to frustration, mood swings, or impulsive outbursts in relationships. Small misunderstandings can escalate into major conflicts, creating tension in friendships and romantic partnerships.
A study in BMC Psychiatry found that 70 percent of adults with ADHD struggle with emotional dysregulation, including the inability to cope with frustration or inconvenience. Recognizing these patterns can help you develop coping strategies like mindfulness and self-awareness techniques.
3. Conversations Feel One-Sided
People with ADHD may interrupt frequently, go on tangents, or struggle to listen attentively, making their conversation partners feel unheard or unimportant.
This is due to difficulties with impulse control and focus, not a lack of interest. Practicing active listening, repeating back key points, and asking follow-up questions can help improve communication.
4. Procrastination Creates Frustration
From delaying household chores to putting off sending a simple text, procrastination can be a major source of tension in relationships. “That is typically where a pretty small rupture in the relationship becomes a much bigger problem,” says Dr. Frank.
Developing structured routines, using alarms, and breaking tasks into smaller steps can help manage this challenge.
5. Hyperfocus Can Lead to Accidental Neglect
While ADHD is often associated with distraction, hyperfocus—an intense fixation on an activity—can cause people to tune out their surroundings, including loved ones and friends.
This can make partners and friends feel ignored. Setting designated times for social engagement and using timers can help maintain balance.
6. ADHD Energy Can Be Overwhelming (or Exhausting)
People with ADHD often have bursts of high energy, which can feel overwhelming to more subdued friends or partners. “Meeting friends, I tend to get really excited. I love spending time with my friends, I love seeing them. They call it the golden retriever energy,” says Abby Yoder, a recently graduated college student with ADHD.
RELATED: Yes, Adult ADHD Is a Thing. Too Bad Most Women Don’t Know They Have It
Learning to regulate energy levels and checking in with others about their comfort can help create more balanced interactions.
7. Impulsivity Can Cause Regretful Comments
Blurted-out thoughts, inappropriate jokes, or speaking without thinking can unintentionally hurt others. This impulsivity can strain relationships, as loved ones may misinterpret these comments as thoughtless or rude.
Practicing pause techniques—taking a breath before responding—can help mitigate impulsive speech.
8. Shame Can Lead to Avoidance
People with ADHD may experience guilt over forgetting things or missing commitments, leading them to withdraw rather than face their mistakes. “Then it becomes a bigger thing because we choose to either actively deal with the relational consequence or avoid it,” says Dr. Frank.
Learning self-compassion and open communication can help prevent small missteps from turning into distance.
9. Parental Relationships May Carry Emotional Baggage
Years of being told they were careless or “not trying hard enough” can lead people with ADHD to develop resentment toward family members. This can make maintaining close parental relationships challenging.
“My parents would be like, You have to take this medication every day because don’t want to annoy the people around you or be a burden,” Yoder says. “And so I hated it.”
Rebuilding trust through honest conversations about ADHD’s impact can foster more supportive relationships.
10. Trouble with Time Perception Creates Last-Minute Stress
People with ADHD often experience “time blindness,” which means they have difficulty accurately gauging how long tasks will take. This can lead to last-minute rushing, missed deadlines, and frustration for partners or friends who rely on them.
Setting multiple alarms, using visual timers, and practicing better time awareness can help ease this issue.
11. ADHD Love Looks Different—But It’s Still There
While ADHD can make relationships challenging, people with ADHD also bring enthusiasm, deep care, and unique strengths to their relationships.
Yoder encourages you to look at all the ways a friend or partner does hype you up and express their love. “They might not be on time, they might not remember a conversation you had, but they say ‘I love you’ all the time or throw you the most amazing party,” she says.
“I care so deeply,” she adds. “I show people I care every single day.”
Emotional Dysregulation
Beheshti A et al. Emotion Dysregulation in Adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Meta-Analysis. BMC Psychiatry. March 12, 2020.
